I think I need to vent.

So, Tomorrow, I have an appointment for Cole to yet again rehash his constant issues with constipation. This has been going on for a VERY long time. since he was a little baby. a few months old...Little. I have gone to the doctors repeatedly and at 15 Months old a doctor he saw gave him Miralax after I made him an appointment because he SCREAMED for 20 minutes while trying to go #2. He is now 3.5 so that is almost 2 years since the first time they would do anything about it. WHY is it so hard for these doctors to recognize that there is actually SOMETHING wrong and I'm not just blowing smoke up their butts. I am sorry. Yes, I do worry about my Children and their health, but why would I make repeated appointments for the same thing if it was NOTHING?!

The last Practitioner that saw him agreed that there was something wrong and that there is an underlying issue. His diet is pretty okay. he drinks PLENTY of fluids and loves fruits and Veggies and he loves peanut butter, eggs and bread. we try not to give him a lot of sweets but we have been trying to potty train him since last year. and rewarding him with a sugar treat is what motivates him to go. So they wanted me to do a Miralax Flush on him. which is basically you mix 48 Oz of water with 8 Capfuls of Miralax and either he has to drink 4oz every 15 minutes or drink it through the day until he finishes it at night. he "SHOULD" pass whatever is blocking him. Not. I've done the flush 2.5 times. and he is still just as blocked as before.

I am extremely nervous for the appointment tomorrow. because the next "step" to clean him out is not pretty. and I am nervous because no one believes me when I tell them there is something going on with my son and because I know as long as he is stopped up the Peds Gastroenterologist will not see him. and what's discouraging? yeah we may be able to get him in after he's cleaned out and get him screened by the GE nurse but what about by the time the peds GE doctor actually GETS here? which is anywhere from 2-3 months before he visits again and we might be into another episode.

I am also tired. Tired because no doctor has taken me seriously. Tired because I feel horrible for What Cole has to go through and Tired because there is nothing I can really do to help him get relief until the Dr's do something about it. because I have tried EVERYTHING available to me without prescription (with the exception of an Enema) and NOTHING has worked.. I am Just Tired.


I am also tired because I am going through yet another Battle with Lincoln and his foot problems. he has what is called a supinated foot. but the physical therapist thinks the problem stems from inwardly rotated hips and she thinks his tibia is shorter than his right Tibia. and so she will not go on with further treatment until an orthopedist can look at him. and then his referral to the orthopedist mentioned NOTHING of his hips. so maybe I can just TALK to the doctor about it. I've been dealing with THIS issue since LJ was 16 months old, too. I don't know if I just have something on my head that says "don't take her seriously, she's crazy" but I'm starting to think I do. but, not anymore, I am going to DEFINITELY start putting my foot down.

Sorry this seems Jumbled. that's how my life is at the moment. so many things are going on. and I really haven't had the chance to organize everything going on. hence, the long absence from writing and keeping people updated. I do have lots of pictures to post and things like that. just haven't really felt up to posting.

I am lazy and people have been asking to see the new floor for about i don't know 10 years or so. so, here it is!

So... I have been lazy in the Blogging department, the cleaning my house department, the college department, pretty much everything department except make sure my kids are clothed, fed, bathed, played with and put to sleep. I am trying to NOT be lazy but I am in a slump. It's the Holiday's I've been like this every year since we left.. I am a sucker for Family....and traditions and happiness and good times on Thanksgiving/Christmas.

But anyways. this is our floor. I ♥ it. Funny enough, My cousin Lisa and Adam put the same floor in in their new house.. :)





I think it looks cleaner, crisper and it goes with the house well. it's a little bit darker than it shows in the picture... but I do really love it.

Oh, and how STRANGE is it that the second time I take a picture of our living room. there is an orb, right above michaels head. NOT FUNNY orb. NOT FUNNY.

I have sworn off taking pictures of my living room....

Life is so funny..

It is... I mean, Really. it is.

Michael and I have thrown around where we want to live if we decide that Living in Alaska just doesn't suit us anymore. I don't know if that will happen for a long time. I'm meaning like when the boys are 7 and 8. we need to desperately pay off bills before we do any such thing, as moving from here, we'd take a HUGE pay cut. and we can't afford that right now.

I know Michael has been looking at jobs. but then again. he always is. I'm not sure we'll ever quite know where we want to stay indefinitely.

Obviously, with the way the economy in Vermont is going, there is no way we're ever going to be able to live there in the nearest future. unfortunate for myself and my Family. but we haven't crossed off other places on the east coast. I wouldn't mind Maine, but Michael said there is no jobs there. I also wouldn't Mind Massachusetts or New Hampshire. Honestly. if I could see my family, I would even consider living in NY and I don't LIKE new york. at all.

Honestly, if I would want to settle anywhere it would probably be Colorado. Colorado is gorgeos and it's a lot like both Alaska and Vermont. Best of Both Worlds. and if we were to live where there is an air force base. I would be 11 hours and 7 hours from two of my best chick friends. we've been trying to get together and have a girls weekend for the upside of like a year and a half now or whatever and it hasn't happened. if we did that. I could!.

It's amusing that my motivations for wanting to live in Colorado are because of two of my best girl friends I have. LOL. I could fly to Reno for 280.00. How AWESOME is that? I can't even get a ticket under 500 dollars from here to Reno. it would be easier for us to do Vacations as well. like...we can DO vacations here to like Seward and Homer and stuff but... how many times can you do something like that before it is just the same? Also, we could fly home for 416 dollars Each...... it's like 700 a piece to fly home from Anchorage to Vermont.

Ah... Decisions, Decisions..... we see where my motivations are... I even found a house I like in Colorado LOL... what else am I supposed to do while the kids are napping and the chores are done?

It's weird how teenage drama movies can make your whole life better...

I've kind of stepped away from blogging. I don't really know why. I'm sure no one really cares (;])...except for the grandparents I'm selling out by not posting pictures of their grandchildren. (hey, sorry, I can't find my Cord for the Camera and that is NOT an exaggeration or an excuse, since we had our floor done, it disappeared and I have not been able to find it. True Story. do you think I would NOT post pictures of my awesome floor? Seriously)

Anyways, For the past week, I've felt incredibly sad, burnt out, and annoyed with pretty much everything. I ignored phone calls, wanted to sleep most of the time, cried a lot, basically I was in a nasty funk and it wasn't going away and that is DEFINITELY not like Me. Ask my Friend, Rachel.

Not even RETAIL therapy helped...I know I said it did on Twitter, but it really didn't. I just felt depressed that I bought clothes that were once my size that aren't my size right now and felt like a total cow trying to squeeze my butt into these pants that were obviously ten sizes too small that I would've had to lay down and suck in so tight to even button and zip together and then once I stood up, I'd have to shuffle around like I was shopping in the tiny aisles of walmart WITH a cart, not to mention I'm sure if I WOULD have gotten them buttoned, the button would've popped off from the strain from the leftover jiggly that won't come off from having two children.

I also bought two bra's that night too. Same brand, Same size as the one I am wearing and LOVE and NEITHER of them fit. seriously? is this really happening to me? when did I turn 22 and not been able to find SOME semblance of a bra that fits and not have to wash the bra I'm wearing every time I turn around because it's the only comfortable one? I'd wear my Sports bra's, but they need to be thrown away cause I wore them while I was breastfeeding.....Yeah. Use your imagination.

Anyways, back on topic. I have felt totally down, sad, irritated and burnt out. I didn't want to talk to people on the phone. I avoided phone calls unless if they were important, or my mom or dad or whatever. I just wanted to sleep and catch up on my reading of Dragonfly in Amber by Diana Gabaldon, and of course, feed my children.

Then... what could have possibly happened, but I saw Raise your Voice on Television. It's that movie about a girl who goes to this music school after her brother dies or whatever. anyways. I CRIED like a baby. over Hilary Duff, who is incredibly ugly when she cries (by the way, I won't hold it against her, I'm sure I look pretty Ugly when I cry, too). How does that even work? How, of all things, does HILARY DUFF make me snap out of this tiny little funk I've been in. Maybe I could blame it on Jason Ritter, When his dad died, I cried SO HARD....Maybe that's why...all I know is I feel good right now.

how do I go from debating whole-heartedly to talking to a doctor and picking up St. John Wort for Mood Control at Walmart to shove those horse sized pills down my throat from being magically and mysteriously fixed by a teeny bopper movie that my 14 year old sister in Law would watch?

Some things are just Strange......

I don't know what my problem is...

Today I have been in the worst mood imaginable. Everyone is bother me. My kids, My husband, tiny little mundane things that shouldn't.

I know a lot of my stress is that I finally called Bank Of America today and they will not lower my interest rate until I pay 40% of my Credit Card Balance Off. Oh yay. that's about 1700 dollars. where am I going to come up with that? I plan on calling tomorrow. I hate bank of America. When I get the stupid thing paid off. I am lowering the balance way down. of course I don't know if I am not too short of being petty and writing them a long letter telling them just where they can shove their money and their Institution. I would love it, if they flunked out and went out of business. I've never had problems with Chase bank.. Bank Of America also NEVER said that I had to pay off anything or be at a certain Credit to debt Ratio to lower my payments. I hate them. did I mention that I plan on calling tomorrow?

I also found out that Michael is leaving for two months in july. I am not happy about this. the only thing I am really looking forward to in July is that My parents are coming out here and we have a bunch of plans or well things I've written down. I'm going to group them by town and hopefully I can give my parents a good experience in Alaska. I should have a lot of pictures to add to my collection of pictures that go un-scrapbooked. 

I'm sure I'll be out of this funk tomorrow. I am selling a lot of my partylite stuff hopefully tomorrow as well. I'm just tired of it being in my house. My friend, Monica and I are going to have a yard sale when weather permits, if our summer isn't over already, which, it might be.

Well I might Finally go Sew That Tag Blanket After I Blog about Something Special I'm doing with my new business!